The first kiss.
The graduation day.
The first job.
The day she said "yes".
The day a bride walks down the aisle towards his groom at the altar.
Many of us have our own personal choice of "THE BEST DAY EVER" in our entire existence on this planet. Mine is simple.
Most of my close friends know how crazy my love life was. It was always an open book. If compared to a Facebook status, it would never be ticked as "Only Me" or "Friends" only. It's always on PUBLIC.
As Taylor Swift sang it: "Got a long list of ex-lovers. They'll tell you I'm insane. Cause you know I love the players and you love the game." No need to further elaborate. I've had my share of heartaches back then. Those heartbreakers don't need much space on my blog either. I'm way over them all. (evil laugh)
Anyhow, with all those crap I've been through, I came to a point wherein love became a burden. I figured, I was never in luck with love. Good guys would always choose to leave. And bad guys would always end up using me. Back home, my mom would ask me why I can't seem to settle down and that it was high time for me to have my own child instead of pretending my niece came from my uterus! I was a mess. My career was slowly on a climb, but my personal life came crashing downhill.
That first Sunday of 2009, I decided to take on a trip to Simala in the southern part of Cebu. I lit the candle that symbolizes love and wrote this really long letter for Mama Mary. One specific line I wrote was:
"Please give me someone who will love me the way I should be loved."
I wasn't specific of what I asked. But on that same year, my prayer was answered.
On the mid part of 2009, I got mixed up in a complicated relationship. Out from it sprung an unexpected surprise. I got pregnant.
My first concern was what my parents would say, specially my strict mom. I had a glimpse on my head that my mom might probably slap me and drag me out of the door, just like those dramatic movies on girls getting pregnant out of wedlock. But instinct told me that I should be honest.
I called my mom on the same day I got an ultrasound, showing the baby's heartbeat and that tiny dot on a black picture. I couldn't say a word. I was crying. My mom directly assumed I was pregnant. I was silent all along. Then she asked if the guy can marry me, I said no. There was a silent 3-second gap on that phone call. I expected her to shout at me. But to my surprise, she calmly told me to go home to our province and she'd have me checked with a known gynecologist back home. I felt relieved.
Despite my situation, I felt the love of my whole family. I knew I brought shame to the clan, but they were all too loving and understanding to even curse me for what I had done. Needless to say, I am proud of the family I have and I will never ask for more.
Throughout the whole nine months, I struggled. I knew people where talking behind my back, but I never looked down or felt ashamed of anything. I continued to walk with my head held high, wearing corporate clothes and even a hard hat! I continued my job with ease and pretended I wasn't pregnant at all. I walked the project site even with a large baby bump and never got tired of talking to my workers. I never lost confidence in myself. I was pretty much a fighter. I tried not to get worried about anything as I was determined to be a happy mommy so I can have a happy child.
May 16, 2010; 2:00 PM
Though I was on maternity leave, I still had to do my task as a Project in Charge. I had to do the monthly billings. I printed the files, affixed my signature and had them forwarded to my Project Manager in Cebu. By then, I started to feel pain on my lower back. And so I told myself, "I think this is it!"
May 16, 2010; 6:30 PM
The contractions were more painful than the usual monthly menstrual cramps. I was shouting inside my brain like crazy. It was so irritating, I wanted to kick the walls and slap my butt so many times. Around 8:00 pm, I was admitted at Borja Hospital for delivery. All I had was Skyflakes for dinner. I can't even taste it. I was too afraid of what I was going to go through inside that room. I kept saying the Our Father in my head for so many times. And then I remembered what my sister advised me. She told me to just stare at the fluorescent lights and repeatedly tell myself, "It is all in the head."
May 17, 2010; 1:10 AM
She was out. I had that unexplainable feeling as the nurses took her and placed her on the side. They cleaned her up, while I was staring from afar, listening to her cry. It was not at all noisy. It was the best sound ever. It was the voice of an angel who lived through 36 weeks inside me.
She was then brought near me, placed on my chest. She was struggling at first, but finally figured out how to sip my nipple for breast milk. What a beautiful sight! I inserted my index finger in between her tiny fingers. She held on to it, as if being able to grasp something for the first time. I started to stroke her skin from her forehead, down to her chin. I then started counting her fingers. She had 10 (thank God!)... Then looked at her toes, she had 10 too. What a relief. I was speechless for a while there. I didn't even notice the nurses chatting on the side. All I heard were the sounds she made while she was being breastfed.
That was my best day ever.
I don't think any day would be any better than that.
I was officially a mother, and that's the best job description in the world. She is really the answer to my prayer. She is that someone whom I will love unconditionally for the rest of my life and she is the one who can eternally love me the way I should be loved.
I named her Ira Andrea.
